I read a Polish bestseller about sex, a Catholic Kama Sutra: “Sex You Don’t Know” by Capuchin Ksawery Knotz. From cover to cover. And it reminded me of a joke about hell. A certain man died and was faced with a choice: go to heaven or hell? First, he looked around Paradise: saints strolling gracefully, singing psalms and marveling at the wonders of God’s cosmos. Then he glanced at hell. And there were running, enticing, naked women. He did not think long. He chose hell, and moments later he was already running after a bare bottom shaped like a heart. When he caught up with the woman, laid her on the ground and spread her legs, it turned out that the girl had nothing between her thighs. It was smooth there, like a plastic doll. Surprised and frustrated, the man shouted to the first devil he noticed…
– What is this?!
– This? – the devil he had pointed to looked at it rather indifferently. – This is hell.
This joke sums up the entire book “Sex You Don’t Know.” At first, everything is beautiful. The Church officially talks about sex as if it practiced it itself! It turns out that God did give people sexuality, and that they can enjoy it. Genital caresses, foreplay, fulfilling erotic fantasies. Everything that spouses agree to and that gives them pleasure is permitted. More than that. The religious also writes about a husband’s duty to satisfy his wife, for whom “[…] the ejaculation of semen is accompanied by ‘automatic’ pleasure.” A woman should be caressed for longer, the religious advises, “[…] to reward the wife for her devotion, effort and risk, […] by caressing her favorite erogenous zones, ending with stimulation of the clitoris. These are important elements of the ars amandi of Catholic husbands.” In this revolutionary way, the Capuchin ends the chapter “We Begin with Tenderness.”
An astute person might ask: what effort and risk does this poor wife undertake, and why does she deserve such compensation? And this is precisely where hell begins!
The religious has heard many confessions and knows perfectly well that women are afraid of becoming pregnant, which reduces the pleasure they derive from the physicality he promotes so strongly. So he writes: “For a woman, engaging in sexual intercourse and the risk associated with the possibility of becoming pregnant are, in many cases, not ‘automatically’ rewarded by nature with an intense experience of pleasure.”
The religious understands that the stress associated with an unwanted pregnancy can deprive a woman of the possibility of experiencing orgasm. So he recommends giving the self-sacrificing victim extra pleasure immediately after full intercourse, which caused her stress. Will the fear of an unwanted pregnancy disappear instantly after a clitoral orgasm? The Church does not concern itself with that. The most important thing is conceived, unborn life. Perhaps it worked and something is just beginning to grow. As part of the package, the Catholic woman gets an orgasm for free.
Exactly. Sex—yes. Pleasure—yes. Caresses—yes. Joy in sexuality—yes. Sex that strengthens marital relationships—yes. Pregnancy… YES! More precisely, one may enjoy sex, and it is a sanctified part of the sacrament of marriage, only when the spouses do not in any way prevent the conception of new life.
What if they do not want more children? Or want to have them later, rather than during the first year of marriage? There is a hellishly good solution! Abstinence!
Returning to the joke. The devil addressed in the joke could have handed the frustrated man Knotz’s handbook. There is a great deal in it about the advantages of abstinence, sensible intercourse on infertile days, and even during lighter periods. “Nevertheless, some women tolerate this phase of the cycle quite well, and their bleeding is not heavy. Even during this time, they are ready to engage in sexual intercourse and use this period to shorten the time of abstinence.” The book also discusses death pills (contraceptives) and bad condoms.
“Sex You Don’t Know” is only superficially a book about sex. It is progressive only in appearance. It says that sex is necessary in marriage and provides heavenly sensations. But this is a false picture. When we delve deeper into the book, we learn only how to avoid sex, how to live in abstinence, and how good it is to reject all the achievements of civilization that make it possible to regulate human fertility.
There is one idea in this book, as old as the Vatican: sex serves only procreation. The packaging is simply more modern. The Church agrees that sex is great fun, but the faithful, especially women, must remember that their intimate lives will always be decided by an army of men living in celibacy.
Grażyna Hanaf