The county councillor Maciej Małkowski was outraged by a photograph—which, in his opinion, was pornographic—that someone had posted in the personal ads section on our portal. The councillor eagerly took a screenshot showing, as one reader put it, “a spread-eagled naked woman”. What is more, Małkowski attached the aforementioned print screen to his interpellation. County officials had to explain themselves at length—quite literally—about why official materials were being published on that disgusting portal.
We wrote “quite literally” because, as we managed to establish, there is a second (fat?) layer to the story. “Maciej, like former Sejm Speaker Stefan Niesiołowski, cannot stand pornofat guys. And he intends to fight them to his last breath,” a school friend of the councillor told us.
Bad luck had it that our editorial office employs two corpulent journalists, who took this interpellation very personally and fell into a deep depression. One of them, just like Felicjan Dulski, began taking long walks. Unfortunately, like that literary character, he walked only around the dining-room table, so, willy-nilly, he was constantly snacking on something. The weight-loss result was therefore nil. The other took a different path—he began eating his sorrows so intensely that he swelled up and burst like Mr Creosote from “Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life.” Apparently, both fat men have made a new New Year’s resolution. “If in 2017 we cannot manage to be less pornographic, we will at least try to be less fat,” they told “nn.” “All to weaken Maciej Małkowski’s aversion.”
The person who suffered most from the councillor’s attack was Spread-Eagled Naked Woman. We have heard that she emigrated eastward and went into hiding in one of the monasteries there. “I never wanted the councillor to show my vagina to officials,” she says sadly. And she swears that she will never place another online ad, because she is afraid she will become a meme.
The editorial team of An Unbelievable News wishes everyone—moral guardians, those who hate pornofat guys, and extreme libertarians alike—a Healthy and Merry Christmas. Far from the absurdities of political reality. Both those on the right and those on the left.
(this is an unbelievable news story; the situation described is not real; the councillor’s intentions were made up, although he did in fact file such an interpellation)
