One of the issues that worries parents most is discipline, namely the question: what can we do to make children behave well? For many parents, this problem can prove very difficult. It seems that everyone has their own opinion on how children should be raised. Does too little discipline mean that our children have gotten out of control? Will overly strict discipline make them turn against us?
We know that children need boundaries in order to feel safe, but setting those boundaries is not easy at all. A positive approach involves praising children and encouraging desired behavior, as well as making sure that we give them attention when they behave properly. A positive approach does not include hitting a child. Some parents fear that if they do not spank their children, they will lose control over them, but in reality the opposite happens. The more often we show children love and respect and the better children understand why we want them to behave in a particular way, the more they want to meet our expectations. Adopting this approach makes it possible to treat all forms of punishment as a last resort.
1. Love is the most important need of all children. It is also an essential element of positive discipline. The more often you show your child love by hugging, kissing and telling them “I love you,” the more they will want to prove that they deserve it. Love helps children build self-confidence and self-esteem.
2. Listen carefully to what your child says. Take an interest in what they do and how they feel. Reassure them that strong feelings are not something bad if they are expressed appropriately. The more often you do this, the less often you will have to discipline them.
3. Boundaries are needed even in the most loving relationship, where people know how to listen to one another. Being a parent involves setting boundaries, among other things. Remember that it is natural and normal for a child to test those boundaries. This is not naughtiness, but part of the learning process. Children feel safer when you stick to the boundaries you have set (provided that they are realistic), even if they complain about them from time to time.
4. Laughter helps defuse tense situations. Sometimes parents become so serious that parenting stops bringing them joy. Notice the funny sides of being a parent and let yourself laugh whenever possible.
5. Seeing the world from a child’s perspective and imagining what your child feels is the key to understanding their behavior. Remember how you felt when you were a child, and how incomprehensible the adult world seemed when you felt you had been treated unfairly.
6. Praise and encourage your child. Expect your child to behave well and encourage them to make an effort. Praise them for good behavior and try to ignore inappropriate behavior. The more often you nag, the less often your child will listen to you.
7. Respect your child as you would respect an adult. Let them participate in making decisions, especially those that concern them. Listen carefully to their opinion. If you are going to say something unpleasant to them, consider how it would sound if you said it to an adult. Apologize if you have behaved improperly.
8. Establish a daily routine. Young children will feel safer and it will be easier for you to avoid conflicts if you establish a clear daily routine. They will feel better if you set regular times for meals, sleep and noisy play.
9. Every family needs certain rules, but try to remain flexible with very young children. Once you have established the rules that apply in your family, be consistent. Children may feel very insecure if you introduce a rule one day and withdraw it the next. Sometimes different rules need to be established for outside the home, and these should be explained to the child.
10. Do not forget your own needs. If all of this begins to feel too much like hard work and you feel that you are running out of patience, set aside some time just for yourself. Do something you enjoy. If you ever feel that you are losing control or that you might shout at, humiliate or hit your child at any moment, step away for a while, calm down and count to ten.
(Source: Nobody’s Children Foundation as part of the “Childhood Without Violence” campaign, www.dziecinstwobezprzemocy.pl)
The project entitled “Stop Violence” is carried out by the Powiat Family Support Centre in Bolesławiec as part of the Protective Programme “Supporting local government units in creating a system to counteract domestic violence,” co-financed by the Ministry of Labour and Social Policy – 2015.
(commissioned information)