A Condom in a Backpack

A group of teenagers from Bolesławiec, attending different schools and coming from different backgrounds, shared their thoughts and opinions with us about their own or their friends’ sexual initiation. They talked about why they do not discuss sex with their parents and where they learn how to protect themselves against an unwanted pregnancy.

Some are guided by their hearts, others by reason. Sometimes the first intercourse is prompted by embarrassment about being a virgin rather than genuine feelings for a partner. Sometimes it is simply childish curiosity. All those interviewed agreed on one thing. The carefree atmosphere of the holidays, freedom, sunshine and the absence of school obligations are highly conducive to first sexual encounters. Alcohol consumed in large quantities by girls also influences the decision to have intercourse for the first time. Boys, meanwhile, warn virgins that drinking too much alcohol beforehand will only prolong their virgin status.

Summer, adventure and a young girl

Summer trips, excursions and even pilgrimages are the best time for sex, say young people from Bolesławiec. “The holidays encourage people to make their first sexual contacts,” confirms a seventeen-year-old girl. “Everyone thinks sex is an experience, an adventure, so why should they refrain from it during the holidays?”

“Nowadays, sex is fashionable,” says another teenager. “Girls display their bodies by the water, and boys are no less bold. Everywhere, boys and girls compete to see who has the shapelier bottom. It is clear that the holidays encourage first sexual intercourse,” the girl says. “Teenagers try at all costs to play at being adults. It is a rebellious age; they want to show how serious and independent they are. Holidays, days off, spending time by the water and revealing more of their bodies encourage new acquaintances, which may not necessarily turn out to be good choices,” she adds reflectively.

A sixteen-year-old puts it more bluntly: “The holidays bring people closer sexually because there is a lot of nudity. Young people are also more willing to drink and smoke—not only tobacco. This pushes them toward things like sex,” she confirms.

Boys say that sex tops the list of holiday pleasures, while girls readily agree to physical contact. A few nice words and a drink are enough. These are casual acquaintances and short-lived flirtations for both sexes.

A Holiday Boy

The desire to have fun, de-stress, escape from problems and meet new people all encourage—according to the boys—sexual intimacy.

“In my opinion, the holidays encourage first sexual encounters because they have a relaxed atmosphere. I think such first sexual contacts most often happen at parties where people drink. People do not think about the consequences then and are not very careful. During the holidays everyone wants to let loose and enjoy themselves,” says a seventeen-year-old.

Discos are places people go not to dance, but to score. Friends offer advice to their still-innocent companions. “Above all, they have to drink enough to have the courage, but not too much, because then nothing will come of it,” says an eighteen-year-old who regularly has sex with his girlfriend. “That is what I primarily advise my friends.”

The younger the interviewees, the less knowledge they have about contraception. Sometimes they openly say that they do not really need this knowledge. They nod when asked about using condoms. But it seems they do so mostly out of politeness. Online forums where desperate teenagers ask whether fertilization could have occurred after withdrawal intercourse show that condoms are not on the list of important things during holiday sexual adventures. What seems more important is where to get alcohol and what kind the casual partner likes.

She Is to Blame; She Should Protect Herself

Still, the girl is held responsible for an unwanted pregnancy, not the boy. Girls are aware of this. For that reason, they mostly only read about contraception. They have theoretical knowledge, but are not assertive and often agree to have sex because the boy wants it and it would be improper to refuse.

Teenagers learn about methods of preventing unwanted pregnancy from the internet, newspapers, conversations with peers or older female friends. Only one girl said that she had learned everything in religious-education classes. No one said they had gained such knowledge at school, in classes on preparation for family life.

“I get my knowledge about contraception from my older brother or from friends,” says an eighteen-year-old. “We sometimes talk about it, and you could say that we exchange information and opinions.”

“My main source of knowledge about contraception is my friends. We simply talk about these topics from time to time,” confirms a seventeen-year-old.

Fifteen-year-olds take a more carefree approach to contraception. “I am not really interested in it,” says one of them. “But I know something and I think it is enough not to get pregnant, although I am looking for an opportunity.”

Another friend finds the information he needs on television, but cannot say in which programs. When pressed, he replies that the subject does not really interest him anyway, because it is the girl’s concern.

Asked where she gets her knowledge about contraception, an eighteen-year-old replies: “Hmm, from everywhere. You hear something here, read something there, and absorb it with age. Conversations about the subject also come up among my peers.”

A Parent Is Not a Conversation Partner on Sex

Young people do not want to talk to their parents about sex. They most often say they do not feel the need. Parents are not eager to do so either. Even for the most open parents, it is a difficult subject. Besides, many of them are unsure whether talking about contraception might give a child the idea of testing in practice what it is used for.

“I do not talk to my parents about sex, and I do not want to,” admits a seventeen-year-old. “I could talk to them about relationships between women and men that do not concern erotic matters, if they initiated it. But so far there has been no opportunity, and I am not particularly interested in it,” he adds.

A fifteen-year-old middle-school student also does not feel the need to talk to his parents about sex. “I do not talk about it because it is embarrassing; they would probably think I was already doing it, and then I would be in serious trouble,” he says candidly. “I do not really talk to my parents about women and men either, because I do not feel the need.”

Children most often say that they are ashamed to discuss topics related to their sexuality, do not trust their parents and do not have sufficiently good contact with them.

“I would rather not talk to my parents about relations between women and men, because why would I?” says an eighteen-year-old girl. “I think that in my case I do not need advice from my parents.”

Girls more often than boys say that they talk about sex with their mothers. “I talk about sex with only one parent,” says a seventeen-year-old girl. “I am closer to my mother and do not feel the need to talk about it with anyone else.”

Parents, for their part, are happy to tell their own love stories and thus pass on certain information about relationships. “I once asked my parents how they met and fell in love,” admits a sixteen-year-old girl. “I like listening to that story; there is always lots of laughter.”

Sex—A Taboo Subject or Simply Difficult?

Teresa Rudzińska

, an experienced educator, believes that the subject is indeed difficult, and that the holidays are a time when reason loses out to the need to be like everyone else. She is also concerned about the increasingly young age of children who begin having sex. “Sadly, I must say that more and more young people decide to have sex at the age of 14–16,” says the educator. “This certainly does not stem from developmental needs, but rather from the desire to do what others are doing. Pregnancy is a very serious consequence of such an ill-considered decision, but it is not the only one.”

Young girls pay the greatest price. By deciding to have sex so early, when it does not arise from their own needs, they may begin to feel objectified. They may think that they exist to satisfy someone else’s needs. That is why Teresa Rudzińska advocates building respect for young women at home.

“A teenage daughter needs to be respected by her father and mother,” says Rudzińska. “Early conversations about the courage it takes to be yourself despite pressure from those around you are helpful. And the decision to become very close to someone should come from the conviction that this person deserves you, because we are unique.”

The educator also advises how to talk to children about contraception. “Talking about contraception is very important. And, as with important matters, it should be done directly,” she insists. “You can tell your daughter: ‘You are going on holiday with your friends. I know that summertime encourages risky behavior. I worry about you, and to be honest, I am most afraid of a pregnancy that could greatly complicate your life and ours. Please respect yourself, and if you decide that someone is so important to you that you want to be very close to him, remember to protect yourself.’”

(information: Grażyna Hanaf)