The girls who were present at the show should be ashamed. In front of their uncles, husbands, boyfriends, fathers, brothers and neighbors. It is also possible they should be ashamed in front of their work colleagues and bosses.
I have bad news. The women who were interested are not ashamed. And they care about your outrage exactly as much as a Chippendale cares about it—with their pert, shapely buttocks.
Making women feel guilty because they showed interest in someone else—and, on top of that, a better-built man—should be punishable by law. Preferably with a fine that must be spent on jewelry, clothes or cosmetics for the injured party.
Sex education in Poland has been replaced by preparation for family life, forcing Polish women into an increasingly harmful stereotype: mothers and wives or whores. There is nothing in between. At the same time, there is no corresponding model of the ugly sex: husband and father or womanizer. When it comes to men, we have a wide range of possibilities.
As long as the world has existed, there have been wonderful and loving women whose sexuality is strong and intense. We have been taught the hurtful belief that this makes them vulgar and that it is unbecoming. More than that, they are forbidden to express their sexuality, under threat of being excluded from the community of the decent and moral!
In the summer, Bolesławiec had the famous jar scandal. Women who dared to appear topless during Gliniada were judged just as negatively. The comments from their opponents were crude and primitive.
This is yet more proof that we cannot talk about human sexuality. Let alone female sexuality. Despite the vast amount of knowledge available on the subject, women expressing desire remains taboo.
And what really happened in the audience at Imperium during the performance? There were women watching the show while dancing, shouting loudly and having an uninhibited, wholehearted good time. Some went onstage; others stayed and watched from a distance. Some commented on the men’s appearance in various ways. It was very ordinary and normal. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Nor is there anything to be frightened of. There is, however, a more serious problem that is growing around us, and no one wants to face it.
Partnership and understanding between people in relationships are not promoted in Poland. Women and men are forced into rigid, constricting roles. What if, instead of condemning women, we learned to name our emotions? Especially those involving difficult feelings such as love, desire, shame, jealousy and the fear of abandonment?
What if, instead of writing an anonymous post about fallen women, a man learned to talk about what troubles him? For example, that he is afraid she will cheat on him because he will be destroyed and humiliated by other men. And even her love will not protect him, because she will already be with someone else.
What if men learned to say that they are afraid of changes at work, in the world and in reality, and that they need support? And that support can be the warm, loving arms of a wife or girlfriend. What men consider weakness—because the stereotype forbidding them to cry also harms them—women consider an asset.
What if we were taught that awareness of who we are and self-acceptance lead to a better-quality life than clinging to toxic stereotypes about strong men and saintly women?
In Poland, women’s sexuality is still undiscovered territory, around which the fear grows that demons and monsters roam. Access to this terrifying land is especially guarded from women themselves.
Grażyna Hanaf