Scenes of hysteria and crying in kindergarten cloakrooms are familiar to everyone. We worry about how our child, who has usually spent the time before kindergarten only with close family, will cope in an environment that is unfamiliar to them. Mariola Bakalarz, an experienced pedagogue and director of Przedszkole nr 1 in Bolesławiec, reassures parents and advises: “There is no need to panic. We have to accept that separating a child from home will not be a pleasant experience for them. We should also remember that negative feelings are a natural defence mechanism for a three-year-old facing what is new and unknown.
How a child behaves and what they feel
During the first days of adaptation, a child is frightened, cries and fusses because they lose the sense of security previously provided by the presence of loved ones. They feel lost in the unfamiliar kindergarten rooms (a new classroom, unfamiliar female staff). They are not yet able to take care of their own needs independently (they need help while eating, getting dressed and using the toilet). They must learn to trust the unfamiliar people caring for them. The child needs time to become accustomed to this.
There is also good news. Mariola Bakalarz’s many years of observations show that most three-year-olds are already psychologically ready for new experiences and long for contact with their peers.
Parents are afraid of kindergarten too
During this difficult period, it is not only children who need support, but parents as well. The latter, remembering their own unpleasant kindergarten experiences or taking separation from their child very hard, very often unconsciously pass on their fears and anxiety. That is why it is worthwhile for parents to attend the adaptation meeting held in June, where they can dispel their fears connected with kindergarten.
At adaptation meetings, parents can primarily meet the person who will care for their child. They can also arrange occasional visits for the child to the kindergarten in July or August with the teacher.
How to say goodbye to your child properly
Mariola Bakalarz advises: “My experience shows that saying goodbye is the most difficult moment for everyone. We should remember that every child is different, and their relationships with their parents also vary. Goodbyes are less painful when the farewell in the cloakroom is warm but brief. If a child cries when saying goodbye to their mother, it is better for their father to take them to kindergarten for a few days. When a child is extremely distressed during the farewell, they should not be pulled away by force. They should first be calmed and then handed over to the teacher. A child should not be bribed or promised rewards or presents for staying at kindergarten. When they are picked up, they may be given a tiny gift, but it must not be a bribe. Agree with the child on when they will be picked up from kindergarten and always keep your word. Do not pressure the child to tell you immediately after returning home what happened at kindergarten. This causes unnecessary stress.
Rest time does not have to be a problem
Another problem for a three-year-old is rest time, meaning the compulsory period of rest at kindergarten. Rest is essential for a young child. New experiences, free play and intensive activities are hard work for a little one, after which they need to regain their strength (rest physically and calm down mentally). Rest time is associated with boring, forced immobility. It is worth knowing, however, that today this is a time for listening to stories from recordings or told by the teacher. To help the child feel comfortable in this new situation, you can bring their favourite book, which the teacher will read to the whole group.
Practical advice
When taking a child to kindergarten, help them get undressed, kiss them and take them to the classroom. Calmly and truthfully answer the question most often asked at this time: “Will you come back for me?” And always keep your word. This must not be forgotten.
Always say goodbye to and greet the child with a smile. If farewells with the mother are too dramatic, the father should take the child to kindergarten. Farewells with the father are less painful. When a teacher pulls a child away from their mother, the child sees the teacher as a threatening person and turns against them.
It is worth going shopping together with the child and buying a cotton tracksuit or sports outfit to replace pyjamas during rest time. This also helps the child become accustomed to the new situation.
Talk to the teacher about anything that worries you. However, never do so in the child’s presence.
A three-year-old’s essentials
A child’s clothing should be comfortable, lightweight and easy to put on and take off. It should not have unnecessary buttons, buckles or decorations. The best choice is trousers or a skirt with an elastic waistband, without braces or belts. Layered clothing is most suitable. It allows the child’s clothing to be adjusted to the weather conditions and the temperature in the classroom. The child needs shoes with firm soles and Velcro fastenings. They must not be flip-flops. Children’s jewellery (if it cannot be avoided) should consist of small studs made of safe, lightweight plastic. Remember to pack a change of clothes. During joyful play, a child forgets about physiological needs. In addition, little ones spill food and get dirty while eating.
Parents can confidently trust kindergarten staff. They are excellent professionals who understand that, when taking care of a child, they must ensure the child’s complete safety and all-round development.
(information: Grażyna Hanaf)