Being a Wife

What does it mean to be a wife? The women I asked about this thought for a long time, shrugged their shoulders and said: “What kind of question is that?” Difficult, they said after some thought. And yet they are wives; one might think the answer would be easy.

My definition of a wife is: a specialized manager of a small company. Sometimes its co-owner, but more often a person employed by the owner to manage the business. The boss, as we know, is always a man.

A wife is an employee who meets the highest standards. A negotiator, educator and first-rate logistics specialist who has every date and time of departures, arrivals, meetings and family celebrations in her head, including the birthdays of household pets. In addition, she is an unrivaled giver of her own time: to her husband, children, grandparents, extended family and friends.

A master capable of combining two worlds. The professional world and the world of household duties, which for almost all spouses has been an art they have been unable to master for years.

Consistently terribly underpaid and undervalued. And still, as with no one else, the bar is raised higher and higher for her, while her numerous talents and specializations are dismissed with the statement: it’s nothing difficult. Perhaps because some men still believe in elves who provide free help with household chores. And just as this belief could perhaps be historically documented (for a change, the great historians from IPN could deal with it now), husbands’ belief in washing machines that “do” the laundry, irons that “do” the ironing and dishwashers that wash the dishes by themselves is already a problem requiring other specialists.

Wives are increasingly realizing that their skills have value. They learn more, read more and are more willing to study. Raising children is no longer just feeding them and protecting them from hurting themselves. Almost every home contains several guides by educators, dietitians and pediatricians that could confidently serve as a university reading list. Cooking is a way of spending time, a hobby; it is not only a wife’s duty. Watching cooking programs made by enthusiasts, reading cookbooks and advice on how to diversify a meal is also practical knowledge.

I am sure that if a husband were left in front of an assortment of products for caring for furniture, parquet floors, flooring, sanitary fixtures, dishes, carpets, upholstery, woolen, leather, cotton and synthetic clothing, as well as shoes, he would not immediately know where to start. That is knowledge. A skill equal to the “male” one of hammering nails into a wall. And the logistics of shopping? Knowing which stores are cheaper and better, where the better meat and tastier cold cuts are. That is a database that could be shared for money. Why are these not respected specializations? Why is it so difficult for women to earn the respect they deserve for them?

What makes us perceive men’s skills as more valuable than women’s? Because they do not bring a real, stereotypical profit? We do not think of it this way: the order created by a woman at home translates into better grades for the children and, consequently, an improved future for them in the same way as buying a child a computer with money earned by daddy. It is difficult to tell a husband: “I cleaned the house for two hours today, ironed for an hour, tidied your room and the garage for an hour and a half. I gave the children expert advice from 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. The bill for my day’s work comes to a specific amount.”.<?p>

I asked several women what being a wife means to them. And I propose a game. Not all those asked are married. Can you guess from their statements which one is married and which is not? Simply mark “yes” next to a statement if you think it is the view of a married woman, or “no” if you think she is not married.

Let’s play.

What does being a wife mean to me?

Grażyna Hanaf