Izabela “Happiness Suits Me” is a collection of stories from her personal life interwoven with suggested exercises for the reader. The stories and chapters discuss life decisions, love, travel, harmony, fulfilling dreams, difficult moments, fear, money, and health—in short, all the matters of life that concern us every day. Izabela shares with us how the book came into being and explains how she helps women and men find their personal happiness.
Izabela Burdzy: This book is a collection of my experiences, which I describe as if my reader were beside me. I share my emotions with her and additionally show her how she can be happy and how she can start thinking more about herself. How she can begin making changes in her life, starting with herself.
So, are we to assume that women are unhappy in life?
I meet many women because I conduct coaching sessions, and I see a major problem here. Women do not feel fulfilled; they focus more on others: their families, husbands, children...
Does fulfillment equal happiness?
In a way, yes. However, everyone can describe happiness differently.
What if, for women, happiness means caring for their husbands and children? What if a woman feels fulfilled only then, and nothing else makes her happy?
I often notice that women do not know what they could do for themselves. I was similar; I did many things for others, gave them all of myself, and people began taking advantage of me. I inherited this pattern from my parents: be good and help others. Even if you have nothing, give. This pattern is good, but if you are not happy inside, if something is missing, what can you give other people?
So what are you teaching your little son? Don’t be good? Don’t give anything to anyone?
No (laughs). I teach him to be good and to share with others, but also to think about himself and do more things that bring him joy and that allow him to create things of his own. I would also like to leave something behind.
So how should women look for this fulfillment? Do you offer guidance in your book?
There is no single piece of advice, no one recipe for happiness. I approach each person individually. The book contains exercises that, among other things, help a woman discover what she likes doing for herself and what brings her joy. I ask why exactly the things she lists bring her joy. Women often say that their child’s or husband’s happiness matters more to them than their own. That is how we are made; we like being there for someone. When we care for someone, it makes that person happy and, in a way, makes us happy too. I am always inclined to say that there is something more. The fact that we make someone happy by being with and supporting them does not mean that we should forget about ourselves. We need to ask ourselves: What makes us happy? What helps us grow? What else can we do to enjoy life more?
You also work as a life coach, supporting and guiding people. Who do you work with most often?
With women who come to me when they feel stuck. They would like something more, but do not know what they want. They come to me for motivation and to find out what they need.
Women really do not know what they want?
That’s right. They do not know, but it is a result of constantly living for others, caring for others rather than themselves, low self-esteem, and a lack of belief that they deserve something. They often say: I won’t manage, I won’t succeed. They do not even allow themselves to think about their own needs.
So during a session with you, women begin to understand what they really want?
Yes, because I ask appropriate, open-ended questions that the woman answers. She talks about her problems and what she cannot cope with. By asking questions and exploring the subject further, I show her where the heart of the problem lies. The main point is for the woman to realize what is affecting her. Once she knows where the problem lies, we work together on solving it and on actually changing her life. We establish an action plan that she implements consistently, bringing positive results in her personal and professional life.
What do women not know?
They do not know their potential and worth. We lack the self-awareness to recognize that we are in one place and could be somewhere else, in a decidedly better one. Many women sweep problems under the rug. They smile and tell their friends: everything is fine.
And what is under that rug?
Under the rug there is a great deal of resentment that they do not have something while someone else does. Questions such as: why do I not deserve it while others do? Working with couples, I have also noticed that the most common problem is poor communication or a lack of it. Women assume one thing, men assume another, and a wall of misunderstandings is built. We need to speak clearly about what we need as a wife, mother, lover, partner, or friend. That is why we need to know not only what we do not want, but mainly what we need and desire. We need to talk about what we feel. It is also important to appreciate ourselves and our partner. And we should not believe that a husband or wife will be there forever and that no further effort is needed in a marriage.
Where does such low self-esteem among women come from?
The media often instill in us the idea that we should be slimmer, more beautiful, and more perfect, bombarding women with information about how they should look. She thinks that if she looked “like a picture,” she would be happy, and she views herself superficially. On the other hand, unfortunately, our surroundings influence what we think about ourselves—what our family and partner say.
At the end of your book there are colorful photos of your family. Do you share your life with the reader?
Yes, I share it very openly and extensively. I write about how I live in order to be closer to those who read me. To show that not only can one be happy, but above all, one must be happy—and that happiness suits all of us.
Izabela Burdzy
Facebook: facebook.com/izabela.burdzy
Website: izabelaburdzy.pl
