We have two local portals where the people doing the writing probably belong to the Secret AA Society (Anonymous Illiterate). The Polish Scientific Publishers are hunting them with wanted posters, while the Polish language is a rarely used dialect for them. One portal is published in Krakow by a resident of Lwówek Śląski, while the other belongs to Wrocławska Fabryka Prasowa. Some scientists and investigative linguists suspect a conspiracy against the residents of Bolesławiec. Apparently, the aim is to weaken Bolesławiec residents’ knowledge of their native language. Once readers of both portals finally stop understanding Polish grammar and spelling, they will be deported as foreigners, and their land and homes will be taken over by the masterminds behind the two foreign websites.
The contest over which text contained more errors took place while this year's Ceramic Christmas Fair was being described. On the Krakow portal, an orthographic error appeared in the very first sentence of the report: “A live nativity scene, theatrical performances, communal kolendowanie […]”.
At the beginning, the journalist from the Wrocław portal made only a small, almost insignificant typo: “Since the morning hours, caroling and the Christmas Ceramic Fair ‘Christmas Traditions’, zogranizowany by BOK–MCC, have been taking place in Bolesławiec’s Market Square.” But she did at least manage to mislead the reader, because the caroling took place in the afternoon, not in the morning.
Encouraged by his first point for spelling, the writer from the Krakow website attacked with a fanciful and nonsensical parenthesis in the middle of a sentence: “In Bolesławiec’s Market Square, as is traditional, a ceramic fair was set up (and not only that, many interesting things can be bought) as well as a live nativity scene and a stage where many attractions awaited the residents of Bolesławiec!” He achieved the effect of confusing the reader, who, “for the life of him,” would not learn whether anything besides the “ceramic fair” had been set up in the Market Square, or whether—in addition to many interesting things—a considerable number of uninteresting things could also be bought.
The competitor from the Wrocław website hit an obvious obviousness with a backhand, stating that “as sellers assure us, Bolesławiec ceramics are an excellent gift.” But she quickly realized that this was not enough to win. So she resorted to “pure nonsense” (from the English pure nonsense).
Unaware of her new weapon, the journalist working for Krakow shone with a paragraph about the political atmosphere: “At precisely 5:00 p.m., the main part of the Bolesławiec Star of Kindness began. Bolesławiec Mayor Piotr Roman, together with several officials, including Ewa Lijewska-Małachowska, director of BOK-MCC, and Kornel Filipowicz, the new deputy mayor, shared the Christmas wafer with the residents of Bolesławiec. Despite the very low temperature, a real crowd gathered in Bolesławiec’s Market Square!” It is possible that the author suggested that an artificial crowd often gathers on such occasions. But the relevant services have already dealt with that.
The Wrocław envoy regarded this as a mosquito bite and brought out her secret absurd weapon. She described—with a slight reproach, but also hope for a miracle—two unspecified little animals from the live nativity scene: “Brown Marta and black Harnaś have not yet spoken to the children. Despite this, they are popular with the little ones.”
The opponent was not giving up yet and concocted a twisted sentence: “While the mayor was handing out the Christmas wafer to the residents, a performance by participants of the BOK theatre studio entitled ‘A Christmas Carol’ took place on the stage, bringing the Saturday part of the event to a close.” It can be read in one breath if someone has capacious lungs and takes in enough air. However, it is impossible to find out where the mayor was when he was handing out the wafer. But one can guess—or run a poll on the website and finally replace the one in which people vote for their favourite colour with it.
The mistress of pure absurdity from Wrocławska Fabryka Prasowa pulled an ace from her sleeve. And, for a reason inexplicable to an ordinary person, she placed the director of BOK-MCC in the stable: “In the stable, watching over the animals as well as the entire fair, is Ewa Lijewska Małachowska, director of BOK–MCC in Bolesławiec.”
Thanks to this sentence, Wrocławska Fabryka Prasowa took the winner’s laurels. Only the Polish language suffered another painful defeat in its unequal battle with the authors of the reports on both portals.
Grażyna Hanaf