Ewa is 16 and looks like Lolita. She is getting ready for school. She puts on tight, revealing hip-hugger shorts so that her thong straps and part of her buttocks are visible. Her skimpy tank top is meant to show off her large breasts.
Dressed so scantily, Ewa goes to her school. No one at home reprimands her because both parents are at work. If they were there, they would pretend not to see her. They do the same when she is getting ready for a dance.
Ewa really wants to attract their attention; she wants them to react somehow. Even if they forbade her from leaving the house. Of course, she would rebel and defy her parents, but at last she would feel safe, loved and important to them.
Ewa reaches the school building, and a car stops in front of it. Her classmate’s father has driven her there. She is also wearing sexy jeans, which emphasize her figure, but Ewa knows that this girl is perceived differently and is more respected than she is. The classmate’s father shouts after his daughter, who is already in the entrance, and waves some kind of parcel. She forgot her packed lunch.
– Marta! – her father calls. – Sandwiches! You’ll forget your head next.
They both smile at each other. The sight of a parent caring for their child fascinates Ewa. She stops and wants to smile at them too, but then her classmate’s father gives her a completely different look from the one he gave his daughter, who is the same age. There is something unpleasant in his eyes as he stares at her.
He thinks: “Some of these girls dress like prostitutes.” Ewa provokes him and offends him with her appearance. And she would like a father like him to pay attention to her and remember that she, too, might get hungry during a long break.
Ewa had been provoking people with her clothes and noisy behavior for a long time. That was how she gained attention. Some boys approached her more often than other girls because of it. She did not care that the neighbors called her a little slut, or that some female teachers humiliated her in class. Adults behave that way, after all. Just as they do in her home, just as her parents do. They are either indifferent or humiliate the child.
Once, Ewa went to one of her friends’ homes and saw her hugging her mother. Ewa did not know whether she would be able to hug her own mother.
Ewa’s friends’ parents are afraid of her; they do not want their children associating with such a vulgar girl. Ewa does not care about their approval. She has her own friends: boys from the dance who will buy her a drink and drive her by car to the woods. Ewa knows what sex is. The boys even use condoms; they say that with a slut like her, you have to be careful because she could give you some disease. Ewa always laughs at the joke along with them.
When they secretly put something in her drink and four of them raped her while she was unconscious, they used condoms too. She found out about the rape by text message from her best friend. She told no one; the next day she put on an even shorter skirt.
What are girls who provoke people with their appearance really like?
The story above is fictional, and its heroine does not exist. The story was consulted with educator Teresa Rudzińska, deputy director for psychological and pedagogical counselling at the Powiatowe Centrum Edukacji i Kształcenia kadr in Bolesławiec.
The story of Ewa is intended to show how young girls who flaunt their sexuality are perceived and why they do it. And what may actually threaten them. They are not inherently bad or degenerate. They simply do not understand what love is, because they probably never received it.
Teresa Rudzińska, who has worked with young people for years and encounters similar cases every day, shares her observations in an interview.
Grażyna Hanaf: – Why do girls provoke people with their appearance?
Teresa Rudzińska: – Such girls feel that they are loved when someone pays attention to them, so when they go to a dance, they are almost undressed and behave provocatively. They begin having sex early because this gives them the feeling that they are needed by someone.
How can you explain to them that they are making a mistake?
You can tell them that happiness is achieved in other ways. I show them that I like them even when they behave vulgarly. I give them my time. But at the same time, I say that I feel sad when they are lewd in conversation, and that I cannot listen to such things. I ask them not to behave that way in my presence and to respect me. These girls expect someone to sit down with them and talk. I explain what happens to me and how I feel when they speak too openly about intimate matters. I tell them that it embarrasses and makes me uncomfortable, even though I am older and mature. I explain that if they do not respect themselves, no one will respect them.
How can a mother tell her daughter that the outfit she wants to wear to school is immodest?
If a mother thinks her daughter looks like a prostitute in a particular outfit, she can tell her so. More than that, she should do so. The message should be simple: “You are not going out dressed like that, because to me you look like a street girl.” That is what I say to girls when I see very provocative clothing. In a private conversation, I ask whether she realizes that when I look at her, I see a prostitute. It turns out that no one has ever told them this. When communicated appropriately, it means that the girls do not attack or take offense; instead, they are surprised that this is how they are perceived.
A mother can also say: “Sweetheart, I do not agree to your leaving the house dressed like that, because it will reflect badly on me and on you. It may expose you to rape and to situations you may not be able to handle.” The conversation should emphasize that this prohibition comes from caring about and worrying about the child, that we love her and care about her.
Parents must set boundaries and ensure that their children respect them if they want to protect their children from harm.
(information by Grażyna Hanaf)