I once had an idea for a social-awareness advertisement. On a huge billboard, I wanted to place two photographs of pregnant women. Both would be photographed from some distance, embracing their large bellies, focused on themselves, in soft light. Under both, I would put the caption: expectant mother. After a week, I would change the photographs and captions. The women would be the same, but one would be embraced by her husband or partner, and the caption beneath the photograph would read: family. The other would bear the information: I got pregnant, I’m a teenager.
Their motherhood would not have changed at all. Only the attitude toward the women would have changed radically.
A girl who got pregnant accidentally will not be a heroine. Even the fact that she gives birth to her child does not, under Polish law, make her someone special. In Poland, mothers have no rights over their own bodies. When they become pregnant, their fate is decided by the fetus and the criminal code.
Fathers—one will remain with his offspring, the other will disappear after sex. Both have a choice. A woman who becomes pregnant has no choice. Especially if she is also a teenager, got pregnant accidentally, and her lover has vanished. Such a girl is a mother of a lesser god.
First, she will learn that she is a whore—and a stupid one at that. Then she will begin to be punished in many ways. No one will mention the father. A boy, naturally, has to sow his wild oats. A girl should keep her legs together. And not provoke anyone. Because she must have provoked him. Either with a short skirt or with a neckline down to her waist. Young girls today are so vulgar and depraved. They get into men’s beds themselves, so they get what they deserve.
And they are very afraid when their period is late. They write desperate posts on forums. When the worst is confirmed, they will be disenfranchised and invisible in the most family-oriented country in the world.
A post from the Onet.dziecko.pl forum:
“Hi everyone, my name is Iwona, I’m 17 […] and in 8 months I will become a mother. I have a boyfriend whom I’m pregnant with, but he is 17 and drinks… Our parents told us to get married, but I’m not sure… This decision terrifies me. Moreover, he said that when I give birth, he will not be with me because it doesn’t suit him, and he doesn’t want a wedding or a child. It’s difficult for me to write about this, but I’m asking you for help!!! One day he told me that I had been a toy, that he had made a bet that he would sleep with me, and it happened… We both wanted it, but when I told him about the baby, he no longer wanted it. Then he also said that he would no longer be with me…”.
For Polish law, a teenage mother does not exist as a parent. Her income is calculated together with the income of her legal guardians, so she has no chance of receiving an allowance or benefit. Even if she earns nothing, income will be shown on paper. Courts automatically transfer parental rights to the grandparents. A teenage mother acquires rights to her child and the capacity to perform any legal acts only if she gets married. That is why she is sometimes forced to marry the child’s father, just as he is forced to marry her. The statistics are unforgiving—80% of such marriages break up.
Teenage pregnancies are described as a plague and an epidemic. What a different language from that used in the sweet, colorful magazines for happy expectant mothers.
The Polish state does not support mothers at all, and underage mothers in particular. It leaves them to fend for themselves in a difficult socioeconomic situation. Social benefits for women with children have been restricted for years. The parents of a pregnant teenager are financially responsible for her, and supporting their daughter and her child will fall on their shoulders. An underage pregnant woman is not recognized as deserving of special care from our state. No one is interested in how she will live, how she will continue her education, or whether she will find employment.
A teenage mother experiences social isolation. She has little chance of finding a place in the labor market. This helplessness and hopelessness often become her way of life. If she gives up because she is inferior, she will remain that way for the rest of her life.
If she is lucky and has wise, loving parents or a tolerant school, she will manage to survive and perhaps even finish her education. Years later, underage mothers recall the first period of motherhood as hell. If they survived it, it was thanks to themselves and the help of the few people who showed them kindness. The family-oriented state pushes them to the margins, into oblivion. It does not want to see something it considers immoral and therefore believes should not exist.
Around the time of the past Mother’s Day, I wanted to write about them. About mothers who will find it difficult to rejoice at bringing a child into the world. About women who will struggle to experience pregnancy as a wonderful time. I wish for the day when, in Poland, we care for every mother to the same degree and with the same love.
Statistics from GUS: 7% of pregnancies in Poland in 2001 were pregnancies involving women under 18.
Grażyna Hanaf