No alcohol, no jokes, but with joy, without mocking themselves or others. There are no women among them, so there is no need to play a role, pretend or show off. Honestly, openly and, most importantly, with the trust that everything said there will remain there forever, in the men’s circle.

A Joke or Reality?

Today, a man balances between stereotype and reality like a tightrope walker in a circus. In the 21st century, a man’s role is not about hunting the proverbial mammoth, waging wars or defending the home against an invader. Nowadays, a man’s role is probably no longer necessarily to plant a tree, build a house and father a child, naturally in the male line. Indeed, not everything that continues to be attributed to men has to be—and is—the experience of all men. For example, the inability to talk about one’s emotions or feelings is often brought from the family home. Many fathers did not show their sons how to deal with emotions and feelings, perhaps because they themselves were never taught. Even today, one often hears people telling crying boys not to whine and to be tough. Crying does not fit the image of a real man; in the minds of many men, crying and showing emotions are more commonly associated with women.

We grow up with these and other beliefs and become men, but sometimes, in difficult situations, we do not know how to behave, we are ashamed of our feelings and cannot control our emotions. After all, our reactions should match the image of a man that we carry within us.

Exactly—and what image of a man do we carry within us?

Perhaps I am a prince who was raised so that the whole world would revolve around him? I was taught that everything and everyone should fulfill my wishes, that everyone should serve me. Maybe I am a warrior who dreams only of saving others from a dragon, defending others against evil or perfecting his knightly skill? Perhaps I am a magician who helps others, knows secret recipes, knows how to influence others, mixes miraculous potions and heals others? Or perhaps I am a wonderful lover who understands all women, knows what they really need, cannot enjoy what he has and constantly thinks about how to win another lady’s heart? Or perhaps I am a dreamer, a pirate, a bandit… who exactly am I?

The idea of working with men was born while I was on stabilization missions in Afghanistan. Several evenings a week, we would sit at a table in a group of soldiers, with a wonderful view of the distant Hindu Kush mountain range in the background, and talk. We talked about what was happening back home, about what was in our souls, about what was masculine and what was not, about who we were, who we had been and what had changed… about tasks, duties and weaknesses…

We created a men’s circle where, with trust and openness, everyone could be himself… a little bit of a prince, magician, knight and dreamer. When several of our soldiers were killed in Kunduz, we also sat in the circle and cried… no one there was ashamed of anyone.

The presence of another person provides support

Many of us know men’s circles only from films, most often seeing images of Native Americans sitting together as they prepare for war or a hunt, or smoke the peace pipe. But I am convinced that today we need a men’s circle more than ever. I observe that being a man in today’s reality is not easy. That is why it is worth talking about it, exchanging experiences and listening to what others have to say.

Men’s workshops in Bolesławiec are an idea that matured over many years. Eventually, it matured within me, and with respect, joy and humility I invite all men to the March workshops at Edukacji Aurelus, at 11 Marcina Opitza Street. For me, it is a great joy to return to Bolesławiec after 26 years and be able to share my experience with others.

Workshop topics

  • what it means to be a man today
  • between myth and reality
  • boys cry too: emotions, feelings, beliefs and stereotypes
  • the heroes of my childhood—be a hero to your children
  • the heart of a warrior, magician and prince

Date: Saturday, March 11, 2017, 09:00–18:00

Price: 150 zlotys for the full-day workshop

Registration: Tel. 722 211 083, e-mail: zbigmlak@yahoo.de

Places are limited

You are warmly invited, Zbigniew Mlak, psychologist, coach and theologian