There are two main, unverified theories about trolls and who they are. The first emphasizes the large number of posts they produce, which directly affects viewership and advertising impressions. It is believed that some large portals hire such people themselves to cause disruption on the site.
The second theory characterizes a troll as someone with a great deal of free time who loves to attract attention to himself because, in real life, he is an undervalued average person with a narcissistic personality. The famous slogan “Do not feed the troll” originated from this theory. Ignoring him and not reacting to his posts causes him to start feeling as he does in real life—and wither away.
The IstotneInformacje.pl portal is proud to possess a truly remarkable and rich collection of trolls. Here they are.
(A)wful collection of trolls from the IstotneInformacje.pl portal
The undisputed king of trolls: Masi. Constantly complaining about censorship on IstotneInformacje.pl and the deliberate cutting out and non-publication of his posts. As a protest—or to test the editors’ patience—he wrote more than 2,300 of them.
A lover of sunsets and sunrises. An amateur photographer with an unlimited amount of free time. The portal’s Casanova. He reduces almost every conversation to the level of erotic foreplay straight out of pornographic films. A poet. He enjoys using the word “ynteligentny” (“intelligent” misspelled), claiming either that he is not one or that others do not consider him one. A friend of another troll: Adam.m. Together they complement and unite with each other to engage in long disputes with users who allow themselves to be drawn into them. One of the more disliked trolls on the Forum.
Adam.m. A romantic. Physically in Wrocław, but with his heart in Bolesławiec, like his namesake poet—physically in Paris, with his heart at Wawel. His motto and idea for life is: “I will comment for as long as I please.” He claims to be a translator from English and French. He has never written what language he translates into. Judging by how he writes, it certainly cannot be Polish. Below are gems from Adam’s autograph book—he produced about 1,500 posts :
“I finished university long ago and they were financed not by taxpayers, but by the Polish state and the European Union, you tin-plated blockhead.”
“Well, I like it with both hands and feet.”
“A lack of resilience to criticism causes certain issues to become closed in a small box, with no possibility of putting a few more elements in there.”
“[…] I respect every prosperity, especially the one expressed mentally and intellectually. It is known that this is a metaphorical matter […]”
“as a person in my twenties, I did not experience communism directly, but when talking to my mother I often got the impression that she was much better off then”
“And with all my members I think similarly too—that giving someone tablets or a condom is no great feat—the question is only whether someone has full awareness and understanding of what they are doing.”
“I think that at certain moments one can simply keep one’s tongue behind the fence of one’s teeth and not dissect someone’s drama.”
“Meanwhile, people are a few individuals who habitually and traditionally talk back, growl and bark.”
W – dreams of the title of the portal’s most influential troll. She presents herself as the Manager of the Globe. She likes judging and criticizing. She wrote more than 1,100 posts.
W is the Margaret Thatcher of the forum. She has been to England, which she often mentions. She admires the islanders’ government’s attitude toward the English taxpayer. As she reports, in Great Britain she would sit on a bed opening her laptop, had a fast connection (6 Mbps), and brought back a sweater. She received academic scholarships; it is possible that she financed her trip to London with them. She knows about everything: the economy, hospitals, education, tourism, and how to establish a prosperous company. Nothing is foreign to her. Just expert.
Deep down, she is an artist. She uses poetic neologisms such as “bajabongo-pierdolongo,” “nie fifacz” and “pitu-pitu.” And a philosopher. She became famous for the maxim: “You overestimate the power of silly posts—they reflect an opinion of the person posting, not the person they concern.”
Her happiest day was the day her ban on IstotneInformacje.pl was lifted. Every morning, when she sits down at her computer and opens her beloved site, she repeats: “I come here because I’m worth it.”
Trumf. He wrote approximately 800 posts. A supporter of the Union of Real Politics. A strong, white, heterosexual man promoting traditional patriarchy and natural selection. Statements such as “Your argguments about h/j are beaten :) You’re a clown, that’s all :)” or “get out of the discussion” appear in his posts like a caress. He has a high opinion of his own humanity, writing: “hatred is alien to me but honesty is my overriding quality.”
He likes judging other users: “Julian is a pseudo-scientist.” “Jago. You are a blonde not only figuratively. ;)” “Przemysław1954—you are like Leper to me, i.e. a rabble-rousing loudmouth.” The fate of the debaters he has judged so originally is irrelevant to him: “I don’t care what those offended by my posts think.”
By nature, as he admits, he is a cosmopolitan and has no prejudices. He writes his little credo: “I avoid stereotypes, often I ‘go uphill’ to avoid the crowd and the patterns associated with it. And my little homeland is within me, that is, wherever I am. It is my conscious choice. Well, maybe 10% is coincidence, but coincidences do not exist ;)”.
He treats sick and weaker people quite brutally: “For me it’s simple—evolution doesn’t want you, so you catch an illness or another factor that eliminates you. (…) For me, cancer is ordinary natural selection. You don’t take care of yourself, you have ‘bad’ genes—you go to the grave. It has always been that way and always will be.”
He does not understand the meaning of many difficult words and has trouble expressing his thoughts in writing. He believes that vocabulary is cultivated, that his reflections on the world are axioms, and that “you don’t talk about axioms; you can only ‘exchange bodily fluids with them.’” Calling someone a boor is, for him, a refined insult. He claims that cleverness can be fast, and that casuistry is a statement by someone whose opinion differs from Trumf’s. He also confuses Herod with a hero, writing: “You’re not some Herod because you are raising a child alone.” He often calls people with a different life philosophy: little ones. He repeats with conviction that “[…] the snow, as the ‘cause’ of icicles, is removed by the property manager.”
Franz—more than 500 posts. The president’s man, a patriot, opponent of Platforma Obywatelska, a Catholic. In his youth, a bussinesman; he sold berries by the roadside while on holiday at his grandmother’s. He fears manipulation and demonizes it. He speaks on only two subjects: religion (defending the faith) and the city president Piotr Roman (defending the president).
He explains every one of the president’s decisions, actions or blunders, or praises him for his successes. In fact, it is enough for someone in the editorial office to think about the president, and it results in a post from Franz. He has very ambivalent feelings toward our portal. One moment he loves us, the next he hates us. It all depends on… what we write about the president. On the forum he has a loyal opposition; a separate thread was created for him: looking for Franz. And apparently they jinxed his disappearance. He has not been on the forum for weeks.
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In the next installment, exceptional trolls who can boast only 300 or fewer posts, but possess extraordinarily rich personalities.
(information: ii editorial staff)
(cover design: Marcin Sacher)